Winter Cometh

As winter closes in upon us, I'm gearing up for a visit from my least favorite Ghost of Winters Past: dry, electrically generated heat which usually brings with it an uninvited guest, Alligator Skin.  In preparation for these visits, I'm launching a preemptive strike against scaliness, the most unwelcome of holiday visitors.  

These things are making my life good and skin happy right now and I hereby vow to keep them by my side all winter long: 

Beauty Without Cruelty moisture lotion with 8% Alpha Hydroxy.  Put it on yo' face.  This product came highly recommended by J.R.  It is made with organic ingredients, is "cruelty free" and moisturizes like a dream.  Check it out here:  http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=46459&catid=13554

Next up: 

Kiss My Face Olive & Aloe Ultra Moisturizer.  I discovered this stuff over the weekend and it has totally changed my life.  I'm only exaggerrating a little bit.  I had some nasty alligator business happening on my hands that magically cleared up in 24 hours with the help of my little friend here.  Also, it's paraben- and fragrance-free, but smells delicious in spite of itself.  True confessions: I bought the big bottle for my house and the little tube for my purse.  Buy in mass quantities here: (The 4 oz. tube is currently on sale for $3.99)

http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=39083&catid=10394

I should add a plug here for drugstore.com, which is where I purchased the above items.  (And again, must give credit to J.R. for introducing me to it.)  Free shipping on orders over $25 (and I mean, think about it, shampoo + conditioner + lotion + toothpaste + makeup = easily over $25 most of the time), plus you get reward $$ for when you order more stuff.  I love it because Duane Reade never has exactly what I want and I can't ever seem to get my ass to the store during the week (due to being lazy/having a life, kind of).  

Gawd, these people should hire me as their spokesperson.  I'd be so good at that. 

Anyway, here's to a thoroughly moisturized holiday season for all.  

Cheers!

K.F.

the only Mr. Paris we may ever know.

In the beginning there was Whole Foods on the Bowery,  and Katie post-crazy protest, and Nicole shopping for chocolate ganache supplies.  There were many problems.  Then came along Mr. Paris and a red new school Mustang of which one would think would bring many problems.  

With a red Mustang, a Roberto, and a woman like Katie in the passenger seat, there's nothing else to do except start an adventure.  Our number grew as we sailed from Manhattan, to Kensington, to the Burg, awkwardly maneuvering the grand car on awfully tiny highways.  We ditched the car and with our powers combined we took to the streets to brave rain, battle highways, jump rivers with the only resources we could find:  thick mud coffee, galoshes, and ... umbrellas. 

Our adventure led us down many paths to no avail.  It took us to Marlow & Sons for dinner, where I expected a pretty pretentious kitschy meal, but was willing to swallow anything that didn't move in the dark night shadows.   We got a power punch to the mouth in every sitting; NC hams with french cheeses, olives, anise-flavored bread slices, sage & chevre topped crostini with quince jam, and the richest ribeye & mashed potatoes ever.   Adventure=success!!

And so comes the 4 hours spent on making the grand Mr. Paris something that would compensate his grandness, birthday style, a chocolate-ginger ganache tarte.   Wow.  Lots of love, appreciation, and the best of butters combined.  

and so my question would be to you farm-destined chipettes all around ny,  1) Can we add sexy chocolates to a farm brothel business plan?  2)  If we do,  would this somehow fit in and contribute to our standard of sustainable living and growing? 

Hos with Hoes!

Apple picking today we came up with a fail proof business plan:

Farm-Brothel-Commune

To quote Toy: "Dude, we would make a killing if we had a farm brothel!"

On the farm we would have:

• Cows - for milk, butter and cheese
• Sheep - for cheese and wool
• Goats - for cheese and milk
• Chickens - for eggs and meat
• Turkeys - for Thanksgiving
  
• Apples - for baking and cider
  
• Plums - for plum wine
  
• Grapes - for wine and dye
• Strawberries - for jam and baking
• Cucumbers - for pickling
  
• Bees - for honey
• Silk worms - for silk
• Pot - you know, for cash
• A moat - for protection
  
• Other fruits and vegetables
  

We can grow our own food, make our own clothes, sell some of our extras at farmers markets. And for extra cash N.D. will run our brothel (roll in the hay!).

N.D. says "we need to make it clear that there's nothing going on with the animals."

There will be a venue, a bakery, and a kitchen and house big enough for all of us to live happily together!

So far we have a knitter, a winemaker, a baker, and a beekeeper. Who else is in?

J.R.

""""

Chipettes Take the Polls

A few blog-worthy things that have helped me maintain a sense of humor as the rest of the world seems to be losing its grip. File under: Impending Election

Sarah Silverman on how the youth of today can make a difference (turn sound on for video awesomeness):
www.thegreatschlep.com

An interactive peek into a terrifying hypothetical situation (sound, too):
www.palinaspresident.com


When it comes to polling in general, I'm constantly hitting refresh at:
www.fivethirtyeight.com
(polling stats from a baseball statistician; not necessarily comical, but awesome for sure)

K.F.

Bacon!

http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/33616/57599-everything-better-wrapped-bacon

Racist diamond smuggling animals

I googled "Around the World With You, Chipmunks" hoping to find the lyrics to the heartwrenching ballad of the same name.

What I learned might shock you.

In 1960, Alvin and the Chipmunks released an album entitled "Around the World with Alvin and the Chipmunks" with the following track listing:

Side one
The Brave Chipmunks (Mexico)
Japanese Banana (Japan)
I Wish I Could Speak French (France)
Stuck in Arabia (Arabia)
August Dear (Germany)
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (North Pole)

Side two
The Pidgin English Hula (Hawaii)
Oh, Gondaliero (Italy)
Comin' 'Thru the Rye (Scotland)
Spain (Spain)
The Magic Mountain (Switzerland)
Lily of Laguna (England)

I absolutely love the subtext of "Brave Chipmunks", as presumably the Chipmunks are brave for...being in Mexico? Also, I would expect nothing less than "Stuck in Arabia". Yucky yucky "Arabia"! The Pidgin English Hula, however, is surely a respectful appreciation of the unique Hawa'ian culture.

So it would seem our beloved The Chipmunk Adventure had a predecessor! But ah, times changed over 38 years, the world globalized, minds opened, and the creators of Alvin and the Chipmunks finally acknowledged that little chipmunk girls could be just as racist as little chipmunk boys.

Meanwhile, "Off to See the World" lyrics are below. Amazing. I am laughing so hard at my desk right now tears are running down my cheeks. Why is the chorus so confrontational??

Flying through the airways
Making the right stops
Through a storybook of places
Making all our drops
See the cliffs of Dover
And over to the right
Are the snowy white-capped Alps
Majestic, standing bright

Chorus:
Hey don't you know that we're off to see the world
We're off to find our dreams
Why are our hearts beating so fast
Why is there suddenly a brand new hope inside of us that will surely last
Hey don't you know that we're off to see the world
We're off to find things new
So we will follow every clue
Just think! there's suddenly
A chance to find it in all we dreamed in dreams come true

Just flew over Switzerland
Heading out for Africa
A place we won't forget
Faced a threat in Rio
We could be in for more
And now we are desending
I can see the pearly shore

Chorus

Hey don't you know that we're off to see the world
We're off to find our dreams
Why are our hearts beating so fast
Why is there suddenly a brand new hope inside of us that will surely last
Hey don't you know that we're off to see the world
We're off to find things new
So we will follow every clueJust thing there suddenly
A chance to find it in all we dreamed in dreams come true


J.G.